Missing Motivation

I have to say I have never struggled this much to start a novel. Ever. I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year (or trying anyway) and I still can’t work up the courage to really commit to my novel idea. I haven’t written much in it so far as a result. At this point, I’m wondering if maybe I should just chuck the whole thing and start again (for like the 15th time…).

I know I could be a great writer if all of my ideas didn’t suck so much. I’ve got the expressiveness, grammar, form, and everything else down, but all of my ideas are just… duds. Plus, even if I do get a good idea, I don’t believe in it enough to write all the hard stuff (descriptions, explanations, etc.) and so my work ends up being short-winded and completely empty and hollow. All of this uncertainty is leading me to doubt so much about myself. If I don’t believe in what I’m writing, am I even a writer at all?

I know, I’m wasting valuable time talking about how hard it is to get started instead of actually starting. I guess I just hate spending time and effort on a thing if I don’t believe in it. I did some research on my personality type the other day and found out that I’m an “INFJ”: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. People like me have to have a real passion for something in order to pursue it. We have to believe in things. Also, we’re perfectionists, which makes it so hard to write and not care whether it’s good or bad. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to actually write something. Maybe that’s why it feels near impossible.

I’m starting to think that maybe NaNoWriMo isn’t going to work for me this time. I’m just not ready to sit down and write. Perhaps my personality just will not allow me to proceed until the outline is finalized. My concept is not mature yet and I need it to be.

This is not me throwing in the towel… yet. I’ll try to do some outlining tonight and see where it leads me. I won’t cheat and add it into my word count but maybe it will at least allow me to stay in the running.

Maybe, maybe, maybe… Ugh. I hate being this unsure about everything.

Hope your day or evening is going better than mine!



Attempting NaNoWriMo Again

Jeez… I never have time to post anymore. You would think that being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) I would have at least a little time to blog every day, but nope, it’s still just once in a while. I have however still been working on my writing project when I can and I am still on fire and excited for it. Still in the plotting stage for the moment; I attempted to write rough drafts but they would always make me want to change the story or the voice a little bit and I had to start over. It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been struggling though, because I’m going to win this time. To be more specific, I’m going to win NaNoWriMo.

I am going to write 50,000 words next month if it kills me. It’s going to be tough… I have a short attention span and oh my gosh that balloon in the dining room is freaking me out ouch my knee hurts I think I have to pee… Ugh! See?!

Realistically, I know I’ll probably only end up writing about 20-25K words, but still, isn’t that better than nothing? It’s definitely more than I wrote in the past six months. I’m going to tell myself I’m in it to win it because I really really really want to try. But I’ll still be happy if I just get a good, solid start on this thing.

Since I’ve been holding out on my readers for so dang long, I guess I’ll give a short teaser for my book:

Madelyn Andrews has been singing and playing guitar alone in her basement ever since 7th grade. Her two best friends abandon her at the beginning of her junior year of high school and she is left friendless and depressed. Sean Redding is a well-liked, wealthy senior who takes notice of Madi in choir class when she finally gets a solo after two years of trying. They practice together, become friends, and decide to start a band with Sean as the lead singer and Madi as lead guitar. They meet an extraordinary set of twins, Evan and Ella, who play bass and drums and Sierra Lane is born. A rise to popularity, a beginning to a possible romantic friendship, and a horrible tragedy lie in Madi’s future. Will she conquer or crumble?

Stay tuned for more deets 😉 and wish me luck for NaNo!