Crushing Self-Doubt

I’m about to get really, really real up in here, so if you can’t handle feelings, you might want to exit stage right.

Being a writer is almost more than I can handle. Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredible to be the creator of worlds. I love my characters almost as much as I love my own flesh and blood relatives. Sometimes I wish I could enter their world and live with them, even if it’s just for one day. But that love for my creations comes with a lot of pain when people scorn my work, say it’s not work, or simply don’t care at all.

I understand that not everybody is going to “get” authors, and people always judge what they don’t understand. It just seems to me that people could be a little gentler when you share a piece of your soul with them. The viciousness with which some people tear into books they don’t like has my nails in a horrible state lately. I’m just waiting on that first one-star review with scathing criticism… Even though I honestly believe the work is five-star worthy, and that has been confirmed a couple of times, I just know that one angry person is coming, and it gnaws at me day and night.

I guess I can be thankful in a way that if that does happen, it will mean I haven’t sunken into the depths of utter obscurity… Competing with millions of other books and writers makes you feel about as small as an atom sometimes. I never dreamed as a fourteen-year-old, bright-eyed, naive new writer that it would be such a struggle just to find 100 people that are interested in actually reading your book from start to finish. Writing a book does not equal #1 NY Times Best Seller. Usually it equals tedious hours of editing, even more hard work marketing, and an ass-ton of self-doubt. Clawing your way through all of that feels a bit like digging your way out of a coffin in the ground.

I haven’t given up hope yet, and I never will. I’m just saying it’s hard, folks. Really, really hard. If you’re new to writing and you think writing isn’t hard, you’re probably not a real author yet. Just wait, because writing the book is actually the easy part.

Thanks for reading this depressing post. Here’s hoping the next one is a little more celebratory.


P.S.-My free promo is going well so far, but I still need a lot more people to pick up this book and review it. Find your free copy here!


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