The Demon on my Shoulder


So I’m back to (attempting) writing both of my novels at once. I tried to put the other one off, but it just won’t wait, so now I have two totally different worlds living in my head as well as my life as a mom and my weak commitment to living in the “real world” and keeping up with current events. I think I’m about to go clinically insane. I know I say that all the time, but this time I’m actually starting to see things that aren’t there. Nobody throw me in the looney bin please, I have way too much to do…

I have two fully developed storylines now, but the beginning of actually writing the stories is the point where I always start hearing these annoying little voices in my head: “Your stories suck.” “You’re not good at this.” “Do you seriously consider yourself a real writer?” “No one in their right mind is going to read this.”

The sad truth is that those voices are the very reason I have not been able to finish anything so far. Those voices have been dominating and controlling me for nearly ten years. My lack of confidence and determination has all been self-made and I’m starting to realize that I am my own worst critic and I need to step out of my own way sometimes. Those little voices are never going to get me anywhere but depressed and unsuccessful. They’re the demon on my shoulder that convinces me to throw in the towel, over and over and over again.

Well I’ve reached the point in my life where I’m sick and tired of failing. I keep saying “this time is going to be different” and “I really mean it this time” but there has never been enough heart behind it to count. Now I NEED to bring these worlds to life, not just for me, but for women everywhere. We need strong female heroes to step forward and show us how to take what’s ours. Both of my MC’s are strong, independent females and I need you to know who they are. I need to make you love them just as much as I do and I know I can do it if I can just ditch the crazy and the lack of self-confidence. The only person standing in my way is me, and now I’m stepping aside.

So yeah, look out, publishing world. I’m flicking this demon off my shoulder and I’m coming after you.

~A.D.

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