Yeah… I knew this was going to happen. I get super super excited about all the great things I’m going to do and then I have a setback and I get discouraged again. Depressed. Defeated.
I ran into several plot holes with my novel outline that I can’t seem to work through and I had a rough week with my weight loss as well. Right now I am trying so hard not to throw in the towel on both of those things. I like eating. I like watching TV instead of reading books or writing. I like being stagnant instead of making progress because it’s easier than trying and failing. Handling failure well has never been something I’ve excelled at, which may be why I’m not excelling at anything.
Achieving goals has always been like climbing an extremely steep mountain for me, and I’ve never had the courage and determination it takes to reach the top. The only thing I ever finished well was pregnancy and I didn’t really have a choice on that one. Whenever I slip and fall I go back down to my pretty little valley of denial and pretend the mountain doesn’t exist. I start eating junk again. I delete my rough draft. I close the book and turn on the TV, wasting away in an illusion of happiness that is never going to fully satisfy me.
I guess the reason I’m writing all of this is to fight off the denial and remind myself that the mountain isn’t going to conquer itself. It is going to require blood, sweat, and tears and if I’m not willing to put in the effort, I will be unsatisfied forever. Being significantly overweight and not following my passion in life will not make my son proud of me. By the time he’s old enough I want him to see his mom as a role model. Right now, as I am, I wouldn’t want him to want to be like me, so something’s gotta give.
Novel plots do not stay unsolved forever. I don’t need that snack or soda. I don’t have to live in the valley of denial when the mountain is standing right in front of me. Time to work this shizz out and get serious.
Enjoy your weekend folks 🙂