Bad News… And My Reaction

I went to the doctor’s office on Tuesday for a routine check-up. I expected stepping on the scale to be an unpleasant experience, and it was. I expected my blood pressure to be normal in spite of that, and it was. I expected to have to wait for 40 minutes before I even saw the doctor, even though I came in 10 minutes early, and I did. I expected to be lectured about my weight, and I was.

I was kind of expecting what came next, but I didn’t know it would hurt so much. My doctor told me that the hoarseness in my throat and the way my voice cracks sometimes is because of my acid reflux. It’s because the acid is sitting in my throat, especially during the night, and eating away at everything around it. And can you guess why my acid reflux is so bad? My weight, and the way I eat.

I was devastated. I am saving up for college so that I can train to become a singer/songwriter/voice teacher someday. I’ve FINALLY found that part of my calling in life, and now my weight is, in a roundabout way, standing in the way of my dreams. I am sacrificing my future… all because of my love of food.

THIS. IS. RIDICULOUS. I have had it with myself, and by golly, this is going to change even if I have to go to bed hungry every night!

I rejoined the Y on Saturday right before I received this news, and I’m so glad I did. I NEED a place where I can turn off everything in my life except fitness. Home cannot be that for me, so I need another place. I am training myself to just say “no” when people tempt me with foods that I know will start a downward spiral. I am looking for ways to eat healthier both at home and out in public.

I wish I could treat this just like any other addiction (and an addiction to food IS a real addiction) but I can’t. I can’t just cut out food in general. I have to find a way to eat just the right amount of food–not too much, not too little. It is SO hard, but I have to do this. I have no choice. If I don’t do something now, 5 years down the road I might not have a voice; or even worse, I might get esophageal cancer. I am determined that if that happens, it will NOT be because of what I’m doing now.

Thank you to all who have supported me on my journey and continue to be breaths of fresh air in my life. I need your guidance and your reassurance and the comradery of knowing that other people are doing this, too. I need all the help, support, and prayers I can possibly get.

Phil. 4:13 “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”